Help Me Find Life
by lovesXherXvampires
Summary: Nine years ago, Bella moved in with the cullens and thier biological and adopted children. Seven years later her past comes out in a way she never wanted it to, and so does Edwards. Can they help each other overcome this? MORBID! AU E&B EM&R A&J. new sum
1. Chapter 1

**sorry if this isnt the best one because i cant spell but if you like it review it plz!!**

**I do not own any thing its all Stephenie Meyer's work.**

"Welcome to our home Isabella we have been waiting for you, please just leave your things here and we can get them later." the nice lady said pointing me to the bottom of the very large stair case. i placed my bags where she wanted me to and turned to her.

"i would like you to meet my faimily if you do not mind." her voice was soft. i felt a little tinge of grife in the pit of my stomach.

"i would very much like to." i said to her not wanting to tell her i would like to crawl in to a hole and die. the lady smiled sweetly ans held out her hand. i thought twice about taking her hand, i didnt want to get attached to her this brillant house or anyone else but i would get lost. she noticed my brife monent of hesation and bent down to look at me.

"if some thing bothers you, you can always tell me i wont turn you away, dear" her soft brown eyes held compassion her face was straight and angaled, high defined cheek bones, full lips, pale, and a straight nose. i felt the prickle of tears at the back of eyes. i realy want an mother and father again i truly did but i was afraid of commentment. i dont want a part of my life replaying for me. i missed my family i want them back. i started to cry unable to stop. she wraped her arm around me and let me sob on her pretty blue floral dress and ruin it. i heard foot steps coming from the right of me because we faced the door. im guessing that direction was the living room. i heard mummers coming from all around us.one in peticular penitrated my crying.

i woke up in a very large room the bed was very comfortable a queen sized black wrot iron cannopie bed and white curtons hung all around it. the room was tatefull, pale blue paint a nice mohoginie chester drawer sat in a far corner, french doors lead to a balconie the room was beauitiefull. a knock at the door broke me from my observation.

"are you awake" a males voice asked from behind the door. bearly auidible.

"yes" i said with out very much energy. he opend the door. a man in his mid late twenties came in. he was just as beauitiefull as the woman, blonde hair, tall, built, and blue eyes.

"Isabella how are you feeling." his eyes showed compassion, and love.

"just call me bella please" i said in a wisper because my throat was raw from the crying. he smiled.

"bella are you feeling alright." i nodded.

"do you want to meet the family." i thought about this one, after my little crying episode they would want to send me to a new home.

"sure"i decided. i want to see the family who would send me to the next foster home before i un-pack.

a dazzling smile spread across his face. he took my handand lead me down a corridor it was painted a light peach. i noticed i was in a three story house and that room i was in was on the top floor.

we made it to where i passed out and i froze.

"its alright dont worrie." he wispered. i moved to the right with him and i was right to the right Was the living room. The living room was a soft tan hard wood floors a lit black marble fire place and two large white couches large enough to acomidate six people at once and three maching fluffy chairs, people occupied this room six to be excat. two girls one with chin lenght black hair and one with long blonde. the other couch two boys sat a chunky black burly headed boy and a slim shaggy blonde. the lady sat in a fluffy chair next to another boy with bronze hair past his chin.

"Everyone this is isabella marie swan your new sister." the man behind me placed his hand on my sholder. sister? did they adoped me? i was sure the police sent me here for a while becouse it was a home.

everyone turned to me. ( the furniture is facing the fireplace on the oppiset wall from me) they all smiled.

**reviews plz i need the motivation to keep writing. warning this story will get a little morbid. because im a twisted little freak.**


	2. Chapter 2

**i was surprized i got two reviews in a twenty hour time limmit thank you. i still need more and if you have any ideas im open to them i will probly reach a writers block soon. heres the next chapter enjoy!**

"hello dear, how are you feeling." the lady got up and and felt my forehead.

"im esme" she smiled sweetly. i tryed to smile back but it felt, weird, to show realy any emotion. she patted my back lightly and i sort of cringed away. unfortunaly she noticed this and sadness showed in her eyes.

"bella my dear im carlisle" again he dazzled me with a wonderfull smile. the others got up from the couches and the one from the chair.the small black haired girl ran up to me and embraced me in a bonecrushing hug.

"hi im alice cullen its verry nice to finaly meet you!!" she let go of me and sat on the back of the couch, she litterly had to jump to get up on her desired perch. the big black headed boy came up and huged me to ,not as aggresive as alice's, but still force full.

"im emmett" he said when he finily let me down and smiled. he had dimples in his chubby cheeks. the quiet blonde boy walked up to me and held out his hand.

"hello im jasper hale and it is very nice to meet you." i took his hand and shook it. i was guessing he was also adopted.

"hi im rosalie hale" the tall blonde said and hugged me. she was sort of gaurded i could tell in her crystal clear blue eyes.

every one was by the alice girl and they were watching the bronze hair boy walk twards me.

"hi im edward" he said and walked back to the others. he wasnt looking at me when he talked so i thought it was better if they dont get attached to me.

"now i bet your hungry and esme is a good cook. how about i show you the down stairs while they are setting the table." carlisle said enthused that the family accepted me. we followed rest of the family into the large dinning room. the room had the largest dinning table ive ever seen it was dark and rustic, paintings lined the burgandy walls and at the end a wall of windos. i have come to notice the house had a lot of windows, i would like to see it during the day. alice and rose carried plates and emmit and edward were spreding a table cloth over the table jasper was setting napkins and silverware.

we went on to the kitchen, i loved it high cellings stainless steel appilances. a chef would of had been home in here grey granet counter tops, lots of dark stained cabinets, a breakfast nook and an island. i stoped to admire this. "like it?" carslisle asked amused. i nodded.

"do you like to cook" again i nodded. if i talked i would cry and would not stop, so it was best for everyone if i just didnt talk.

i decided ive admire enough and followed carlisle back threw a differant door leading to a den area where a plasma tv hung on the wall game consoles everywhere books chairs and love seats.

"i call it the wreak room as you can see" it was verry messy. we walked to a nother door and a beauitiefull grand piano was on an elavated plat form the room was circular shaped, photographs lined the wall of the children all black and white stood out aginst the deep red walls.

the first very large (bigger than me) one was of esme and carlisle in front of a creek and esme was pregnate. the next one esme carlisle edward and alice were babies and emmet was in carlisles arms. the last one was of all of them a couple of years ago and in every one they were in front of a creek. "esme likes to take pictures." carlisle said looking at them to. i nodded. these were good.

"dinner should be finnished lets go eat."carlisle said putting his hand on me shoulder. i stiffend momentarly and walked on. he noticed and wached me out of the coner of his eye.

we ate dinner in scilence. like carlisle said esme was a exclant cook. we had pot roast carrots potatoes corn and bread. i finnished and took my plate to the kitchen, i noticed thare was a lot of dishes and started to wash them and load them in to the dishwasher. "bella you didnt have to load the dishwasher i can do that" esme was truly sweet and i think it surprised her i did that.

"so bella do you want the tour of the second floor or do you want to wait till tomarrow."carlisle asked when esme shooed me from the dishwasher.

"tomarrow please" i said like a wisper. he nodded and i took my leave. i walked up stairs to my room and noticed a door i havent before. the sign said edward above the door. i shruged he probly wont notice me. i got my night clothes on and sat out on the balconie. a creek babbled under the caniopie of trees so i couldnt see it and it was dark.

the breeze was chilly so i went inside and looked at the clock it was 11:02. it was getting late. after i crawled into bed i noticed how quiet it was no screaming fighting crashing or crying just the sound of the celling fan above me. not soon after i fell unconicous.

**reviews plz i love reviews im sorry for spelling mistakes. i will wright more tomarrow if i can.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for not wrighting for a while ive had family things to attend too well heres the next chapter. i dont know how the beta thing works so if you can tell me i would be greatfull i dont spend much time on the computer. **

I woke up at around 3:00am to Edward shaking me. i looked up he was standing over me fear in his emrald eyes.

"bella are you alright?" he asked his voice shaking.

"yes, im alright" i said a wisper. i didnt know what he was talking about. i sat up and tryed to make out his outline, he was sitting on the edge of my bed facing me.

"what were you dreaming about?" consern in his voice. i thought back. nothing i can remember.

"i wasnt." i said it so quietly i didnt know if he heard me. he looked twards me leaning over to the lamp beside the bed. he clicked it on it took me a minuet to adjust.

"bella" that was the first time hes said my name"you were screaming bloody murder. are you alright you can tell me anything ." he said looking in to my eyes.

at that moment i felt like i could trust the boy with my life. a conection was instanly formed we would be best friends.

"just rembering the past i guess" i said. edward crawled over next to me on the other side of the bed and coverd up.

"do you mind if i stay in here with you i dont want to think about my past either"edward said brushing his hair out of his eyes. i nodded and crawled in next to him.i turned the light off. it was quite for a few minuets.

"bella, whats your favoriet color?"edward asked facing me.

"blue whats yours?"

"blue! fave food?"

"chicken enchalatas you?"

"catfish..." that started a twenty qustions round and about 4:30am we fell asleep.

a click from a camara is what woke me up that morning. Esme was standing over me and edward, he was asleep, smiling.

"good morning dear its time for breakfast." she said and went out of the room. i turned to look at edward. he slept funny his arm under the pillow the other over his face. i shook him gently. his arm moved up a bit to show an open eye.

"hi bella. is it time to eat." he said getting out of bed in his blue and white pajama pants and red baggy shirt. his hair looked like a cow licked it in the middle of the night sticking up everywhere. i giggled for the first time in a couple of years. he looked at me and smiled.

"what are you laughing at" he said rubbing his hair.

"i think a cow licked your head." i said. he turned to my bathroom to look at his hair.

" i think one attacked you too" he said laughing. his laugh was warming. i knew what my hair looked like i probly looked like a poodle. i smiled and stuck out my tounge. i grabed my brush off the table and brushed my mane. once i was done we headed down stairs in serch of the family. wow a family it sounded weird to me. we sat down ate and cleaned off the table. i noticed carlisle wasnt here.

"dont worry hes at the hospital" edward said as if he could read my mind.

"why is he at the hospital? is he alright?" i asked my voice rising a couple of octves. esme looked at me and smiled.

"no dear, hes a doctor i forgot you dont know very much about us. how about we go to the wreck room and we can tell eachother things about our selves."she smiled sweetly.

i nodded and we all went in to the wreck room. we all sat on the large couch in the middle of the room i was in between alice and edward.

"im emmett im 11 years old and i love sports and food my favoret color is brown." emmett said hooking up a game system in to the television.

"im rosalie, but call me rose im 11 years old i like to build stuff like cars and bikes and i like magazens and clothes and my fav color is red." i nodded as she went to sit next to jasper.

"hello im jasper 11 years old i like the civil war, nature, and my favoret color is green and this is my twin sister"he said politely noding twards rose, she gave me a little wave.

"im alice and im 10 years old i love to shop and i love clothes my favoret colors are pink and lavender and edward is my twin brother." she said bouncing a bit in the seat. i nodded and let a small smile show to them so they knew i was happy.

" im edward and im 10 years old i love books food music and video games my favoret color is blue" he smiled triumphily. i sighed.

"im isabella please call me bella, im 9 years old but i will be in the same grade as edward and alice i love books cooking and music my favoret color is blue." everyone smiled and nodded. esme was last.

"im 31 years old and i love books music cooking my family lots of other things and my favoret color is burgandy" she said sweetly. as soon as she was finnished carlisle came into the room.

"thares my handsome young men and beauitifull young girls." i froze. "_im not going to hurt you close your eyes." he said as he got closer "your a beauitifull young girl isabella."_

i ran from the house and in to the forest beside it. people called my name but i didnt listen. i ran and ran. 'carlisle couldnt be like that' i thought hoped plead for it to be true. eventuly i tripped on a root and fell face first in to mud and cryed for the first time in a month.

**.**

**alright chap 3 is finaly up sorry been so hectic around here. give me reviews please encourage me to wright more faster!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry again im moving and dont know when i will be able to wright and ive noticed some mix ups like when bella cryed with esme and then the next chapter it was the first time she cryed in a month.so so sorry i will fix that i ment to say it felt like the first time in a month. so loyal readers thank you for reading threw my mistakes and enjoying the crappy typing. you get browine points!!**

**bpov**

it has been seven years since i have moved in with the cullens. im happy they havent been persistant on my former life but decided to let me tell it when i felt like the time was wright. i havent gone to school in three years for anxiety and panic attacks and sicknesses. im now sixteen everyone else is older than me.my only friend is edward. hes the only one whom i feel realy gets me most of the time. i talk to alice and rose but im not like them maby rose but becuse were both orphans.

"hey belles how are you doing?" edward pulled my away from my thinking as he ploped on the black leather sofa by my window from the first day of school this year.

"good how was school?" i asked. he was realy my only link to the out side world. he smiled and looked at me threw his shaggy bronze hair.

"why do you want to know about the outside world its just drama"

"well i just wanna know" i said quietly. he got off the couch and sat on the bed with me.

"why dont you start school its our jr. year you dont get another one unless you have to repeat the grade." he said jokinly. i stiffened.

"i cant edward i just cant." i was scared. i didnt like the idea of being a round males. he watched my face the pain and fear that shot across it. he put his arm around my sholuders.

"sorry i didnt mean to scare you i know how you feel." he said and walked out of the room. he dosnt know how i feel he cant. i thought.

maybe i will talk to carlisle about putting me in public school. i was courious about how the advarge teen comunicates with others. i went down the hall to carlisle's office and knocked on the door.

"yes bella come in" how did he know it was me? ive created a therie hes a vampire and he can tell us apart form our heart beats since he works around people all the time.

i sat down on one of the over stuffed brown leather chairs and looked a carlisle. he is much to young to be a father of six. he was typing away at an computer and turned to me. "yes dear what do you need" he asked kindly. i smiled nerviously and twirled a brown lock of hair in my fingers.

"do you think it would be safe if i went back to school?" i asked quietly. he watched me.

"i think it would be good for you to get out of the house and your counclers have said it would be good for you to interact with people your own age. but the only question is do you think your ready?" he asked folding his hands under his chin and leaning on the desk to watched me think. i was tired of never leaving the house and i wanted to be able to talk to edward and see his life out side of the house.

"yes im ready and these home shcooling books are gettin boring" i said tring to get a smile and i did.

"i will call the school tomarrow and get you in school monday so you have time to prepare." we smiled at each other and he went back to work.

i left and went out side. i walked along the the dirt path to the woods and veared of to the right in to a mass of shrubbs. i knew where i was going and i wouldnt get lost. i stopped and lifted a ceder branch and exposed my little medow. i sat in the middle and looked at the perfect little circule of life. bugs, flowers woodland creachers. i layed back on the soft flowers and looked at the clear blue sky. it seemed nothing could happen at that moment everything was pure and nothing happend past or present.

"bella!" someone called. i didnt know who it was but i got up and dusted my pants and shirt off.

"BELLA" the voice was louder and more demanding. i lifted the branch and got out. after i made sure it was back in place i started to run but colided with something hard.

"thare you are are you alright did some thing happen." edward asked relife flooded his face and he picked me off the ground and hugged me. i wraped my arms a roud him. i nodded in to his sholder. i felt compleatly safe and protected. we have embraced like this before because he was the only one who could calm me down after an attack. thare was nothing intament.simply friends.

"what did you talk to carlisle for are you feeling o.k." he pulled away and looked at me.

"im fine and well your getting a new class mate!!" i said waching his reaction. he smiled.

"awsome!" he picked me up and swung me around. he was happy but thare was some thing else.

"edward stop please im going to be sick" he stoped and put his hands on my sholuders to stabel me."whats wrong?" i asked he looked at me.

"some times you have attacks and i dont know what they are from im just worried" he said quickly i almost didnt get it. "i will tell you the next time i have an attack deal?" he looked at me scepticly and nodded

"deal" we shook hands. that was the only thing i have kept a secret from him. hopefully that attack dosent come be cause if i told him or anyone they would think im disfuctional and disgusting. i dont think i could live with edward shunning me or thinking im disgusting.

**brownie points to whom ever reviews. **


	5. authors note

**Hello readers,**

**im so very sorry i havent been writing. i am moving and the house we are moving in to needs a LOT of work and thares no telling when i can get the time to wright. here lately i have been going cross state and shit like that. when we move i will have a coumputer in my room so i can wright a lot more than i have been. if you are loyal readers and will stick with me durng this time of nonexsistance i will be very greatfull!!**

**love,**

**p.s. this will be on all my stories so hopefully no one will be left out of the loop!! **


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